I always longed for a very simple Nikkah ceremony with no amount of extravagance for my wedding. But for me, it was like an impossible dream, so I never gave it any second thought. Because at that time I was the daughter of Chief Justice of the state Azad Jammu and Kashmir, and also because both of us were doctors (me and my now husband), and so as per the trends of our society, this wedding was supposed to be extravagant with all social norms to be practiced like 'Tish Tosh' kind of weddings in the state.
A simple Nikkah was impossible, not only due to sociocultural practices but also because of my elder sisters had their wedding programs in Pearl Continental Hotel, one of the most highly paid hotels in Pakistan and Azad Jammu And Kashmir. So my father was never convinced to do mine in any other simple wedding hall or at home. On the other hand, although my fiancée was convinced his family also had long-lasting wish to mark the first-ever event in their home with great zeal. So that's why I say it's impossible for me to get accordingly.
The answer to this question: why I prefer a simple marriage over a fully loaded one is that because once I was going through the Hadith which said that the most 'Babarkat' Nikah is the one with least amount of extravagance. Secondly, I was rebelling against those wedding norms which our subcontinent culture have accepted long ago.
We were supposed to get married last year. I don’t know how things kept on getting delayed until there was COVID-19 and hence lockdown. After waiting for many days, now no one was ready to delay it again, and hence the quarantine wedding was planned.
A friend and my brother used to say, 'This lockdown will never end without Sana’s marriage because she prayed for it.' We had a function of ‘Mehndi’ at our home in the first week of June, with only family members attendees, with zero amount of stress on anyone's face, smiles and laughter all over the home. Those lovely tappay (wedding songs) and the rehmat of Allah SWT with peace all around. I was the happiest bride.
How I personally tried to minimize the extravagance was with my personal things. I really tried to convince him (Dr Abdul Mannan, my fiancée at that time, now husband) that I do not want any amount of gold, although I was not successful, but we finally decided to minimize it as much as we can. I tried to minimize on my wedding outfit and other things too.
I wanted a very simple ‘Mehndi’ dress, I tried for it, but it worked out wrong the last moment, and I wore my sister's ‘Mehndi’ dress, the one she wore on her ‘Mehndi some 3 years back, and I am proud of it.
One of my friends designed my wedding dress. Yes, we picked up a simple cloth from the local market in Muzaffarabad the capital of AJ&K, took it to an embroidery tailor and it turned out to be perfect. My friend runs her own salon, so she did my makeover at home, and every little thing was so comfortable.
I had my ‘Rukhsati’ done from my home, with a very little amount of guests, and beautiful decor, the smiles were what mattered. My parents gave my hand in his hands, and it was a happy 'goodbye'. One of my favorite uncles made a very beautiful dua at the time of ‘Rukhsati’ and my brother laughed about how relaxed I was at the time of rukhsati. Later, I was welcomed to a wonderful home.
I never knew it would be so comfortable and homely for me. Not to exaggerate but it was like my soul belonged to this place always, I was actually made for this place.
When I started writing this article as per my friend's wishes, I found so many reasons to express the process of my wedding. One of them is 'Tawakkal i.e always have strong belief in Allah.’
Try to trust in and leaving things on God instead of burdening your own little selves. Things will not work as per your wishes or plans, but they will as per the plans of the best of the planners. Stop being desperate, just keep asking, keep waiting, keep insisting but never get disappointed from the mercy of Allah. It's okay to be sad and depressed at times, its okay when things don’t work out the way you want them to, believe it, it's the commandment of Allah SWT, I never thought of such a beautiful quarantine wedding under strict lockdown. But it happened. There are always some blessings hidden inside every little disguise. All we need is to hold on with ‘Sabr’ and trust, and keep asking for help from God.
I also owe the immense amount of blessings I have in my life to my father as well. I am a very proud daughter of a father who preferred to compromise his own self over what was right, and when the fathers are 'righteous' it affects their offspring too. I know it because Allah SWT says so in Surah Kahf when Allah made Hazrat khizar help the orphan kids, He gave them a reason for that help
'وَكَانَ اَبُوۡهُمَا صَالِحً'
'Their father had been a righteous man'
I love this phrase.
In this personal essay, I have a message for youth especially for the sake of motivation: Let us try and make our lives simpler and easier not for the sake of anyone else but for our own selves. Don’t complicate your lives, be realistic. Think: Is it possible for a poor man to marry his daughter with his lifetime of savings leaving nothing behind but worries all around? What if we could spend hundreds over lacs. What if we wear affordable dresses instead of wearing outfits that never we use before and after that? There is no issue in wearing the same outfit in different events over and over again, what matters the most is the peace inside your heart, the most beautiful thing you can ever attain in your life.
So I would like to appeal to all my readers to please ease your lives. Don't get frustrated for smaller reasons. Not only in weddings, but generally also, practice simplicity and austerity in your whole lives as well.
A simple Nikkah was impossible, not only due to sociocultural practices but also because of my elder sisters had their wedding programs in Pearl Continental Hotel, one of the most highly paid hotels in Pakistan and Azad Jammu And Kashmir. So my father was never convinced to do mine in any other simple wedding hall or at home. On the other hand, although my fiancée was convinced his family also had long-lasting wish to mark the first-ever event in their home with great zeal. So that's why I say it's impossible for me to get accordingly.
The answer to this question: why I prefer a simple marriage over a fully loaded one is that because once I was going through the Hadith which said that the most 'Babarkat' Nikah is the one with least amount of extravagance. Secondly, I was rebelling against those wedding norms which our subcontinent culture have accepted long ago.
We were supposed to get married last year. I don’t know how things kept on getting delayed until there was COVID-19 and hence lockdown. After waiting for many days, now no one was ready to delay it again, and hence the quarantine wedding was planned.
A friend and my brother used to say, 'This lockdown will never end without Sana’s marriage because she prayed for it.' We had a function of ‘Mehndi’ at our home in the first week of June, with only family members attendees, with zero amount of stress on anyone's face, smiles and laughter all over the home. Those lovely tappay (wedding songs) and the rehmat of Allah SWT with peace all around. I was the happiest bride.
How I personally tried to minimize the extravagance was with my personal things. I really tried to convince him (Dr Abdul Mannan, my fiancée at that time, now husband) that I do not want any amount of gold, although I was not successful, but we finally decided to minimize it as much as we can. I tried to minimize on my wedding outfit and other things too.
I wanted a very simple ‘Mehndi’ dress, I tried for it, but it worked out wrong the last moment, and I wore my sister's ‘Mehndi’ dress, the one she wore on her ‘Mehndi some 3 years back, and I am proud of it.
One of my friends designed my wedding dress. Yes, we picked up a simple cloth from the local market in Muzaffarabad the capital of AJ&K, took it to an embroidery tailor and it turned out to be perfect. My friend runs her own salon, so she did my makeover at home, and every little thing was so comfortable.
I had my ‘Rukhsati’ done from my home, with a very little amount of guests, and beautiful decor, the smiles were what mattered. My parents gave my hand in his hands, and it was a happy 'goodbye'. One of my favorite uncles made a very beautiful dua at the time of ‘Rukhsati’ and my brother laughed about how relaxed I was at the time of rukhsati. Later, I was welcomed to a wonderful home.
I never knew it would be so comfortable and homely for me. Not to exaggerate but it was like my soul belonged to this place always, I was actually made for this place.
When I started writing this article as per my friend's wishes, I found so many reasons to express the process of my wedding. One of them is 'Tawakkal i.e always have strong belief in Allah.’
Try to trust in and leaving things on God instead of burdening your own little selves. Things will not work as per your wishes or plans, but they will as per the plans of the best of the planners. Stop being desperate, just keep asking, keep waiting, keep insisting but never get disappointed from the mercy of Allah. It's okay to be sad and depressed at times, its okay when things don’t work out the way you want them to, believe it, it's the commandment of Allah SWT, I never thought of such a beautiful quarantine wedding under strict lockdown. But it happened. There are always some blessings hidden inside every little disguise. All we need is to hold on with ‘Sabr’ and trust, and keep asking for help from God.
I also owe the immense amount of blessings I have in my life to my father as well. I am a very proud daughter of a father who preferred to compromise his own self over what was right, and when the fathers are 'righteous' it affects their offspring too. I know it because Allah SWT says so in Surah Kahf when Allah made Hazrat khizar help the orphan kids, He gave them a reason for that help
'وَكَانَ اَبُوۡهُمَا صَالِحً'
'Their father had been a righteous man'
I love this phrase.
In this personal essay, I have a message for youth especially for the sake of motivation: Let us try and make our lives simpler and easier not for the sake of anyone else but for our own selves. Don’t complicate your lives, be realistic. Think: Is it possible for a poor man to marry his daughter with his lifetime of savings leaving nothing behind but worries all around? What if we could spend hundreds over lacs. What if we wear affordable dresses instead of wearing outfits that never we use before and after that? There is no issue in wearing the same outfit in different events over and over again, what matters the most is the peace inside your heart, the most beautiful thing you can ever attain in your life.
So I would like to appeal to all my readers to please ease your lives. Don't get frustrated for smaller reasons. Not only in weddings, but generally also, practice simplicity and austerity in your whole lives as well.