With the current 'infidelity' discussion in Pakistani society – especially on social media – that involves some high profile figures, the country's public opinion has adopted roughly three approaches to this debate. These could broadly be summed up as the Islamist perspective, the been-there-done-that perspective and the feminist perspective.
We live in a world where they say that “sinners are judging sinners for sinning differently”. They certainly also say that “every sinner has a past, every saint a future”. We all like to believe that we learn from our mistakes too. Then, on top of that, we are taught that “two wrongs don't make a right”. So it all begs the question: how wrong is the one who wronged someone or who had been wronged themselves? How do we even define who wrongs who? And who is the ultimate judge here? Or what are the criteria to pronounce judgememt?
I argue that before we reach our conclusions about the people that we are judging, we ought to ensure that we are doing a much more important – and much simpler – thing: giving people the benefit of doubt and just generally being compassionate.
We have seen happy couples cheating. Why do happy couples cheat? We have seen people married to conventionally unattractive people staying loyal. And we have seen the partners very attractive people, nevertheless, cheating. We have seen men and women alike cheating. And we have seen people remaining in toxic relationships and staying stuck for a lifetime.
But we seem consistent on some things. We have always used slut shamming as a weapon to attack against a women and God forbid if she happens to be a modern-minded one – and that too a model. If the latter be the case, then she certainly is the wrong one. She is always the house wrecker irrespective of any other considerations. Even more tragic is the prejudice that is common against women who we think belong to a certain kind of 'class' or 'category'.
It all reminds me of the movie Ijaazat where all three characters are victims of their own lives and one can only marvel at how beautifully they are portrayed with an unbiased script. Even people who believe they have been wronged in such affairs need to consider things, at times, from a third person's perspective. Everyone's experience of the same reality certainly cannot be the same.
We live in a world where they say that “sinners are judging sinners for sinning differently”. They certainly also say that “every sinner has a past, every saint a future”. We all like to believe that we learn from our mistakes too. Then, on top of that, we are taught that “two wrongs don't make a right”. So it all begs the question: how wrong is the one who wronged someone or who had been wronged themselves? How do we even define who wrongs who? And who is the ultimate judge here? Or what are the criteria to pronounce judgememt?
I argue that before we reach our conclusions about the people that we are judging, we ought to ensure that we are doing a much more important – and much simpler – thing: giving people the benefit of doubt and just generally being compassionate.
We have seen happy couples cheating. Why do happy couples cheat? We have seen people married to conventionally unattractive people staying loyal. And we have seen the partners very attractive people, nevertheless, cheating. We have seen men and women alike cheating. And we have seen people remaining in toxic relationships and staying stuck for a lifetime.
But we seem consistent on some things. We have always used slut shamming as a weapon to attack against a women and God forbid if she happens to be a modern-minded one – and that too a model. If the latter be the case, then she certainly is the wrong one. She is always the house wrecker irrespective of any other considerations. Even more tragic is the prejudice that is common against women who we think belong to a certain kind of 'class' or 'category'.
It all reminds me of the movie Ijaazat where all three characters are victims of their own lives and one can only marvel at how beautifully they are portrayed with an unbiased script. Even people who believe they have been wronged in such affairs need to consider things, at times, from a third person's perspective. Everyone's experience of the same reality certainly cannot be the same.