Jon Snow Wins The Darwin Award For Being The Dumbest Bonga
Game of Thrones Season 8 premiered this Sunday, and there were way too many let downs to handle. Here’s Shamila Ghyas’s ‘extremely serious’ analysis of all the obviously stupid things from GOT Season 8, Episode 1.
*spoilers are coming
Jon Snow wins the Darwin Award for being the dumbest bonga on Game of Thrones season 8, episode 1.
It was a tough call as there was one blundering buffoon after another but everyone’s favorite redhead Ygritte (other than Melisandre, Sansa, Tormund… never mind), said it all along, “You know nuthin, Jon Snow!” You’d think her repeating this about 200 times would have made him stop to think, but no. She said it after striking him with 3 arrows and even before she died, but the dumbo still went “Hein ji?”
Another contender for the trophy this week was the usually smart Tyrion Lannister who had to be informed by the overly-protected, innocent, naive Sansa Stark that he is a complete ullu ka patha for trusting Cersei. The same Cersei, who on a whim had Tyrion thrown in the dungeons for murder. The same Cersei, who had just given out a supari to have him and Jaime killed. On another note, is Tyrion Sansa’s ex-husband or still her husband? That would explain why Sansa Stark is now Sansa Snark.
Jaime Lannister, ex Prince Charming lookalike, who after chopping his locks, going grey and losing his hand, seems to have lost his brains as well. What was he thinking would happen when he got to Winterfell? It is quite literally the home of the Starks. Did he think he would see the Dora the Explorer? Ned Stark’s ghost? In the whole ride there, did he really not think even once that, ‘Hang on… that Stark kid I pushed and turned into a cripple, ya think he might be in his home, where I along with the whole world is going?” And then the “Oops, I did a booboo” face! Really Jaime?
Winter is here, there is a war coming and Arya is getting flirty and making googly eyes at Gendry. And mean rich girl jokes? Whatever happened to ‘a girl is no one’. Speaking of which, I have to hand it to the Hound here, that was the nicest thing he has ever said to anyone. I think he likes Arya more than KFC.
Back to dumbos. What in the world did you want with elephants, Cersei? To stomp on the undead ice zombies who are already dead and can’t be killed except with Obsidian and Valyrian steel! And to bring them on ships? Just leave all the soldiers home then? Just have Euron (read Moron) Greyjoy and the elephants?
Jon; now the reason why you won. The dragon let you touch it. It let you sit on him. You went flying on the frikkin’ dragon and it let you. You think it has let anyone other than a Targaryen sit on it that way before? And the whole world has figured out who your father and mother are. And you are going, ‘Weeeeeeee look ma, no hands, I am flying!’ Samwell literally just informed you who your parents are and stressed further by telling you that your real name is Aegon Targaryen and how you are the rightful heir to the Iron Throne.
STILL, you are not thinking… DO THE MATH, bongay! She is your phuppo!
Game of Thrones Episode 2 will be aired on HBO, Sunday, April 21.
The author is a staunch believer of equal rights and writes for top publications in the country. She can be reached @shamilaghyas