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Featured Satire

Bums away!

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War clouds are hovering over Hindustan — a vast empire which includes all of the subcontinent, including the Maldives, parts of Seychelles and some residential areas of Toronto. Its brave warriors have invaded Pakistan to eliminate terrorists.


The Indian empire’s biggest problem is a troublesome region which broke away in 1947 and has been calling itself Pakistan.


Pakistan has been enjoying a rogue existence, initially due to a conspiracy hatched by the British and their agents: Muhammad Ali Jinnah and Dilip Kumar.


But soon, the British were made to realize their folly by the charms of one of Hindustan’s greatest spiritual figureheads whose name one cannot speak without first feeding 102 crows.


But in 1950s and 1960s, America stepped in and began using Pakistani soil to threaten the Indians.


When the one whose name one cannot speak without first feeding 102 crows won over the misguided Americans, the atheistic Chinese stepped in to make sure that Pakistan continued to exist.


In 2015, a regime led by a charismatic crusader whose name cannot be spoken without lynching at least 12 beef-eaters, began to turn Hindustan into a power with hundreds of nuclear bums. The evidence of this is all over the social media.


However, in 1974, Pakistani dictator ZA Bhutto had said, ‘we will make nuclear bum, even if we have to eat grass.’ Then, in 1998, Pakistan managed to produce a couple of nuclear bums of its own.


But, Pakistan’s bums are not as powerful as those of Hindustan. However, as the great Indian philosopher, nuclear physicist and chef, Anupam Kher once deeply mused …


Hindustan will be well within its right (if not senses) to strike first with its bums in a preemptive strike against terrorist Pakistan.


But according to a respected military strategist, Gotham Gambhir, it would be better if the Pakistanis fired their weak bums first. Gambhir is banking on men with thick facial hair and walnut heads to steal the Pakistani bum and fire it for them.


But as the great yogi, Anupam jee once mused …


Writing for famous current affairs journal, Bollywood Masala, Caucasian political analyst Felecia Corricifissa has informed why the US might be more inclined towards supporting Hindustan’s position.

The US too is warring against men with thick facial hair and walnut heads in Afghanistan but backing men in Syria who also have thick facial hair and walnut heads and warring men in Iran who also have thick facial hair and walnut heads but backing men in Yemen who also have thick facial hair and walnut heads and …


… And secondly, more Coke bottles are sold in Hindustan than in Pakistan.


Pakistan believes that Kashmir should go rouge as well. But the truth is that 99.99.99% Kashmiris want to reside jovial in ann-gel Hindustan mankind.


The trouble in Kashmir is being caused by only a handful of teens armed and funded by Pakistan.


But when the peaceful Hindustan security forces blind these teens with pellets, Pakistan throws up its arms and calls the Indians zalim …


Do they think that the world doesn’t know what Pakistan is doing in Balochistan, Afghanistan, Tajikistan and Uzbekistan?


And what about the Pakistani spy pigeon which Hindustan captured?


Now what more evidence is required for the world to understand Hindustan’s restive urge to unleash its bums over Pakistan? Bums away!

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1 Comment

  1. Saurabh M February 28, 2019

    I used to love NFP’s work. This is some corny excuse of satire , where is old NFP?


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