The Basi Leaks

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The Basi Leaks

By Nadeem Farooq Paracha

Editor’s note: This is a piece of satire. Please have patience.

Recently famous actor, model, social-media personality and supporter of one of Pakistan’s most compassionate, generous, benevolent (and armed) charity organisations, H A. Basi, leaked a series of emails.

The emails contain some telling exchanges between a former minister of the PML-N government and former wife of former cricket star turned devastatingly charismatic politician trying his best not to become a former politician before becoming the next PM.

In the entirely authentic emails, the former minister (betterpakistan@gmail.commerce=>>>) and the former wife (RehamKhan1@gmale.com +==>>><<<) can be seen exchanging views on how to destroy the chances of the former cricket star and former husband of becoming the next PM by winning 97.5% of the total vote in the coming electrons.

Mr. Basi received the emails from a hacker sympathetic to the next PM’s cause and is said to be a former member of Punjab’s Sewerage Management Department. According to Basi the friendly hacker has provided many other emails exchanged between various well-known personalities.

In a tweet, Basi claimed that the conspiracy to stop the former cricketer to become the next PM is much wider and more diabolic than expected. To prove this he leaked shots of the emails that he received from the neighborly hacker.

The emails clearly show that the conspiracy is not only real, but also international. Below are some of the emails that Mr. Basi leaked.


From: DonaldTrump@WhiteHouse.US.Orgre >>><<<:

To: KimUnJung@PyongyangPalace.NK.Orgy ==>><<:

Hello Kim. Trump here. Looking forward to our meeting next week. Wanted to inform that apart from discussing the denuclearization of your country and reforming the damaging gun laws in North Korea, I would also like to discuss with you the possibility of a very dangerous man becoming the next PM of Pakistan.

 

From: KimUnJung@PyongyangPlace.NK.Orgy ==>><<:

To: DonaldTrump@WhiteHouse.US.Orgre >>><<<:

Hello Donny. Thanks writing. I keeping abreast of developments in place called Pakistan. Even though I do not know who the breast belongs to but am keeping in freezer with heads of people I executed last month for not supplying me 3D version of Avengers Infinity War.

 

From: DonaldTrump@WhiteHouse.US.Orgre >>><<<:

To: KimUnJung@PyongyangPlace.NK.Orgy ==>><<:

Hi Kim. Good to know you have a breast. I recommend you grab it ASAP. Avengers Infinity War sucked big time. We should put that on the table as well during our Nobel Prize winning meeting next week. About this dangerous chap who can become the next PM of Pakistan, I must ask you to get your agents in Istanbul, the capital of Pakistan, to get in touch with our agents there. One of them is this chap’s former wife who we paid to write a book on him so he could be discredited.

 

From: KimUnJung@PyongyangPlace.NK.Orgy ==>><<:

To: DonaldTrump@WhiteHouse.US.Orgre

 

Dear Don, my agents in Pakistani capital, Karakoram, have got manuscript of book and as planned it is full of scandalous lies about her former hubby. Many of these lies were paid for by North Koren agents in Pakistani newspaper Dawn. The book is a steamy read and I will bring one copy to our meeting so we can read it together and plan the downfall of Pakistan together. I’ll keep you abreast. Do you prefer chicken or turkey?

 

 

From: DonaldTrump@WhiteHouse.US.Orgre >>><<<:

To: KimUnJung@PyongyangPlace.NK.Orgy ==>><<:

Chicken. Thanks.

 


From: NawazSharif@hotmale.con >>=<<:

To: MightyModi@GovtOfHindustan.Ind.org >>>>

Namaste Yogi Modi. Hope you keeping well in health. I attaching with this emale manual script of book of our friend Reham Khan. Hope it will destroy all chance of Imran Khan from cumming to power and thus is unable to take Pakistan prestige beyond loving India.

 

From: MightyModi@GormintOfHindustan.Ind.org >>>>

To: NawazSharif@hotmale.con >>=<<:

Hello secret friend of Hindustan. Well done! I have already ordered a copy of the book from Amazon. I have asked my people to invite Reham to India for a book launch in Gujarat. After the book damages Imran, I am sure you will be reinstated as PM of tiny Pakistan. If you are not, then please do not bother writing to me again.

From: NawazSharif@hotmale.con >>=<<:

To: MightyModi@GormintOfHindustan.Ind.org >>>>

Dear yogi jee, I assure you that with help of shining India, I will again become PM of Pakistan and continue business of goodwill and many dollars with India at expanse of Pakistan prestige. You have my word of it and my first trip after becoming PM again will be of India. I will be cumming for sure and hand you Kashmir on golden plate.

 

From: MightyModi@GormintOfHindustan.Ind.org >>>>

To: NawazSharif@hotmale.con >>=<<:

Dear disciple Nawaz, the US, North Korea, India and your party have spent lots of money on this book, so it better work. I will embrace you and snap a selfie with you when you become PM again and come to India with Kashmir on a golden plate. Hopefully, by then I too would have been elected again and both you and I could make Hindustan strong and keep Pakistan tiny. A lot is riding on the fate of this book. Have you highlighted the really lusty bits in it? I’d rather read just those, hehe.

 

From: NawazSharif@hotmale.con >>=<<:

To: MightyModi@GormintOfHindustan.Ind.org >>>>

Yes have highlight naughty bits which were supplied by Bollywood agents to Reham and make Imran look like sinful creature with uncontrol libido and ludo. Enjoyzz.


From: Pabloxx@CaliCartle.coke.org [>>]<<==

To: TahirShah@Yahoo.eye.to.eye.com ==<<>>

Dear preferred customer. Thank you for purchasing another hefty amount of snow from our site on dark net. I am told that you have been buying it to frame an enemy? We understand and thus are willing to give you a discount. You have paid in full for the first two consignments but payment for the third is still awaited. That’s alright. We treat our customers well. So we are giving you another week to pay. If you fail to do that, I’m afraid we will have to break your legs and throw you in a river. Best, Pablo.

 

From: TahirShah@Yahoo.eye.to.eye.com ==<<>>

To:   Pabloxx@CaliCartle.coke.org [>>]<<==

 

Deer Bablu of Kali Cartier, thanks for kindest words. As you know snow is not for my blow but is for freeze frame enemy of my fave Nawaz and lady Raman to keep old dangerous man from becoming PMS of Pakistan. Money for snow paid by US king Ronald Drump, Bollywood PM Dharmendra Moti Lal Saksena, Korean emperor Carl Jung and our past PMS Nawaz. As soon as more payment come from sale of book by lady Raman, I will pay Kali Cartier.

 

From: Pabloxx@CaliCartle.coke.org [>>]<<==

To: TahirShah@Yahoo.eye.to.eye.com ==<<>>

Okay, no problemo, senor. But be warned that we believe that your email account is being hacked by someone in your country. My men believe he is a former civil servant who worked in a sewerage management department. He may be working for some gringo called Basi. You know him? Nevertheless, do not worry. We will make sure no harm comes to you. But we will still break your legs and throw you in a river if you are late with the payment. PS: Send me a copy of this book. Does it have any pictures?

From: TahirShah@Yahoo.eye.to.eye.com ==<<>>

To:   Pabloxx@CaliCartle.coke.org [>>]<<==

Thanks you Bablu. I will send copy of book to you in jungle of Columbia University New York City South America. Yes, I too got info that my email may got hack with axe of some garbage cleaning man. But how he will clean garbage that I have frame on old man who wants to become PMS? I don’t worry if he hack my email because I have no sax scandal. And how will he clean snow that I have place on old man and mix it in his nihari to look like he blow? Book will sell trillion copies just like my songs get trillion likes on YouTub. Have you seen video of song? See it.

 

From: Pabloxx@CaliCartle.coke.org [>>]<<==

To: TahirShah@Yahoo.eye.to.eye.com ==<<>>

Yes, just saw the video. I would now like to break your legs and throw you in a river just for the heck of it. Love, Pablo.

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