Fake News Exposed (by authentic sources)
By Nadeem F. Paracha
(Disclaimer: This is a satire and should be taken as such)
For long Naya Daur reporters have been working overtime to expose the many fake news items doing the rounds on social media sites. With the help of some entirely authentic sources, we have finally managed to lay bare these news reports and expose the fraud behind them. Please like and share.
PTI member Naeem Bokhari’s accident at a subway station in London.
This news (and pic) were released by PTI. The party claimed that Bokhari was injured at a subway station in London while trying to board a train. Not true! According to a more authentic source in PML-N, Bokhari was thrown out of the train by a British supporter of Nawaz Sharif after he heard Bokhari shouting ‘Go Nawaz Go’ at the train’s driver.
The authentic source added that Bokhari was getting late for a dentist appointment and wanted the driver not to stop at any other station. When the driver refused and stopped at a station, Bokhari began to shout ‘Go Nawaz go’ at him and warned him that, ‘jab aye ga Imran barey gi shaan banay ga naya Englistaan …’
The authentic source informed that the British man who threw Bokhari off the train was a middle-aged chap called Ben. Ben at the time was busy discussing the implications of judicial martial law in Pakistan with a middle-aged Welsh woman called Jill.
Both Ben and Jill were very disturbed after hearing Bokhari shout ‘Go Nawaz go’. So Ben decided to save British democracy by throwing Bokhari off the train. The act received a thunderous round of applause from all the other passengers.
The news that the London police has registered a case against Bokhari’s attacker is incorrect as well. According to the entirely authentic source, the police has actually registered the case against Bokhari for undermining British democracy and offending the aesthetic sensibilities of the British people by singing a terrible song.
Assassination attempt on Ahsan Iqbal
The news of an assassination attempt on a senior PML-N leader Ahsan Iqbal was first released by PML-N and then picked up by the media. However, according to some entirely authentic sources in the PTI, there was no assassination attempt on Iqbal at all.
The source which is entirely authentic told us that Iqbal was injured by his own gun. He had been carrying a gun under his belt which accidently went off when Iqbal burped after having too many samosas at the meeting he was attending.
However, according to another equally entirely authentic source in the PTI, the attack was actually orchestrated by Iqbal himself. The source informed that Iqbal hired an Indian agent (of which there are many in PML-N) to use a fake gun with fake bullets to enact a fake assassination attempt on a fake Iqbal.
Yes, the injured man seen in the picture is not Iqbal. His name is Qadir Bhola and he is a US agent (of which there are many in Pakistan). He was hit by a fake bullet.
The source said that the plan was to use a fake assassination attempt to gain the peoples’ sympathy and also demonize the entirely authentic peaceful party of Khadim Husain Rizvi by blaming the attack on a member of Rizvi’s passive outfit, the Tehreek-e-Give-e-Peace-a-Chance.
The source added that Iqbal had gotten the idea from former US President J F. Kennedy who had planned a fake assassination attempt on himself by a Russian agent (of which there were many in the Democratic Party). The source also informed that Kennedy is still alive and living with Elvis Presley and Jim Morrison on a remote island in the Pacific Ocean.
A manifold increase in beef lynchings in India
This news has been doing the rounds ever since BJP under PM Modi came to power in India. But according to an absolutely entirely immensely authentic source in the BJP, the Muslims who were lynched for eating and/or selling beef were not lynched by Hindu nationalists.
The source said that what we are seeing these days in India is a ‘great cow uprising.’ The source explained that due to the growing popularity of yoga among Indian cows, the cows have developed an acute sense of awareness.
It is thus the cows who have been sneaking into the homes of Muslims who keep beef in their freezers. They are dragged out by the cows with their hoofs and lynched.
The source informed that PM Modi has tried to explain this to the concerned governments in Europe and pleaded that instead of falling for Pakistani and/or Muslim and/or terrorist propaganda, they should understand the cows’ yogic point of view.
The source added that that Indian cows have absolutely nothing against Europeans or the Americans eating beef, and, in fact, would gladly and willingly offer themselves as steak on their plates or a beef patty in their burgers.
But under no circumstances would the now conscious Indian cows allow themselves to end up in a biryani or nihari made by the Muslims. The source said that at least one western leader, Donald Trump, has been convinced.
Activists continue to disappear in Pakistan
Recently the news of dozens of Pakistani activists allegedly picked up by the country’s security agencies have made headlines. But according to an entirely absolutely marvelously charismatically authentic source at a popular Pakistani TV news channel, this news is entirely absolutely marvelously charismatically authentically fake.
The source said that just 12 people have disappeared in the last 40 years. Out of these, six had entered Pakistan from India but then slipped back and can now be seen in the many item numbers in Bollywood films; and the other six were taken by aliens.
The source explained that extraterrestrial beings, most probably from Planet Vulcan in the Alpha Quadrant, have been visiting Pakistan and it is they who kidnapped the activists for whom some people are making such noise.
The source lamented that every year dozens of people are kidnapped by aliens in the United States but the Americans don’t blame their country’s state institutions for the disappearances.
He said that it is now a well-known fact that the CIA have captured many such aliens and have detained them in the US military’s enigmatic Area 51 base in Nevada.
However, the source did mention that it is also possible that the captured aliens are trained by the CIA to enter Pakistan as NGO workers and kidnap Pakistanis to give the country’s state institutions a bad name.
The source added that those who disappeared had already converted to Vulcan beliefs and were thus a danger to the country’s moral, social, political and security fiber. So good riddance to them, he exclaimed.
The source advised those looking for the disappeared activists to get in touch with a CIA agent (of which there are many in Pakistan), or an NGO or the nearest Vulcan embassy (of which there are many in Star Trek).